Neville Again!

What if someone, say, P. J. O'Rourke, replaced famous figures in history with Barack Obama? You would get, well, this:

One if by land, and two if by sea, and three if by air, and four if by drones .  .  . Or is it two if by land, and one if by sea? .  .  . However, there will be no deployment of Colonial ground forces. So it’s two if by ship-launched cruise missiles .  .  . Or is it three if by airstrikes? .  .  . Anyway, the British aren’t coming.