Say Kids, What Time Is It? It's Presiding Bishop Katherine Jefferts Schori Time!

The Pope Presiding Bishop of The Episcopal Church™, the Most Reverend Katherine Jefferts Schori, spoke to the next generation of Episcopalians the other day in Seattle, reassuring them that Christian theology is optional anymore in The Episcopal Church™. You don’t need a Bible kids; you can find salvation just by reading the bumper of a ’71 VW micro-bus in Santa Monica. Really. First up, “Love Your Mother (the Earth):”

"I expect you to hold older generations' feet to the fire for the condition of Creation," Schori argued.

So let’s worship those MDG’s, kids! Write Congress – Kate did! Next, “Change Happens:”

"You are living reminders to the rest of us that God is constantly doing a new thing . . . Some people believe the church never changes. The only thing that never changes is a dead body, and that begins to rot."

Actually, Kate, the central point of Christian Faith is that one dead body DID change, and didn’t begin to rot. That, to some of us, is still a “new thing.” But why bother the kiddies with such talk when Kate and her friends think the Resurrection is all metaphorical twaddle.

And let’s not forget the obligatory rainbow sticker on the bumper by mentioning The-Worst-Persecution-In-All-Recorded-History – that of a man who, when he is not lecturing, promoting his latest book or being a June bride, just wants to be a simple country bishop. Kate tells the kids why he will not be part of the Lambeth Conference this summer:

"It's the archbishop's party and he issues the invitations," she said. "He (Robinson) is going to be there outside the meeting."

Where he’ll be performing his new one-man stage play, ‘Gene and The Amazing Technicolor Agenda.’ Call Susan Russell for tickets.

Next down the bumper we come to “Save the Wales!” but with a twist - Kate wants to “Save the Albatrosses!” instead:

In answer to a question about cramped church facilities, Schori replied by saying: "Sometimes I think the (church) buildings are albatrosses."

We strongly suspect Kate's first response to a question about cramped Episcopal church facilities was “Where?” - since that is rarely an issue for Episcopalians anymore. The Episcopal Church™ has been pretty successful in heeding the “Fight Overpopulation” sticker. (Remember, we're smarter.) On the albatross front, Kate doesn't seem to think they're all that important:

The Presiding Bishop praised what she called "the freedom that comes with simply gathering and being together."

Unless someone wants one of Kate's albatrosses, then she's all up for the freedom that comes from suing the pants of disagreeable congregations. (Here is a video of Kate disposing of church property in future...)

And Kate took some questions from the young'uns, 'cause the Presiding Bishop is still a hip, far out, with it chick:

Katrina Hamilton, a University of Washington student, talked about how many of her friends are removed from and ignorant of religion, and noted "an increase in the stereotyping of Christians."

"It is much more acceptable in my circle to be gay than to be Christian," said Hamilton.

Which Kate doesn't seem to have a problem with, because:

"We don't live in Christendom anymore," replied Schori, "and that is both a challenge and opportunity." She urged people to ask the question: "How does the way we live proclaim our faith?"

There it is, ladies and gentlemen! THE tag line for the new Jefferts Schori movie! After the tornado of the 2006 General Convention, Kate steps out onto the rainbow-brick road with her lap dog and says, "Beers, I don't think we live in Christendom anymore."

And if you're an Episcopalian these days, it's hard to disagree.