SCENE TWO – “Let’s see your Dead!”
[SETTING: Near the Superdome. TV news crew wandering in knee-deep flood waters.]
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: [shouting] Let’s see your dead!
[slosh]
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: [shouting] Let’s see your dead!
[slosh]
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: [shouting] Let’s see your dead!
[slosh]
TV CAMERAMAN: Hey, I think there’s one over there!
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Great! Go get some footage!
TV CAMERAMAN: Man, I smell a Peabody for sure!
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: [shouting] Let’s see your dead!
[slosh]
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: [shouting] Let’s see your dead!
[slosh]
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: [shouting] Let’s see your dead!
[slosh]
MAN: Hey buddy, here’s one you can see.
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Great! Did you know him?
MAN: Yeah. Its my uncle.
UNCLE: I’m not dead.
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: He says he’s not dead.
MAN: He is.
UNCLE: I ain't.
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: He’s not?
MAN: Well, he will be soon. He’s very sick.
UNCLE: I’m getting better!
MAN: No you ain't. You’ll be as dead as a cat in a minute.
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Look, we can’t film him like that. He won’t stay still.
UNCLE: I don’t want to be on TV.
MAN: Oh, don’t be such a putz. Ya sista wants to see you on the TV.
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Sorry, but we can’t film him like that. There’s no drama. It won’t make the evening news.
UNCLE: I feel fine.
MAN: Can you do us a favor?
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Sorry, I can’t . There are bloggers out there who would catch it. Look what they did to Dan Rather about those fake files.
MAN: Well, can you hang around for a few minutes? He won’t be long.
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY:: No, we’ve got to get over to the Convention Center. Chief Compass says that there are hundreds of dead there, and we hear Geraldo Rivera is already on the way.
MAN: When will you be back by here?
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Thursday.
UNCLE: I want to go by my mom'n'nems.
MAN: Look you ain’t fooling no one, y’know. [to TV Personality] My Mama really wants to see us on the TV tonight. Is there anything you can do?
UNCLE: [singing] I want an MRE…. I want an MRE…..I want …….
[Famous TV Personality swings heavy microphone and hits Uncle] [WHUMP!]
MAN: Oh, thanks, very much.
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Not at all. We’re just objective observers, here to report the truth.
[Cadillac Escalade drives by]
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Who was that?
MAN: I dunno. Must be de Mayor.
FAMOUS TV PERSONALITY: Why?
MAN: He’s got shit all over him.
SCENE ENDS
